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Friday, August 12, 2011

Taking the wrong job might be just what you need... Part 1 of 3


My worst career experience was also the best.  I went to work for an internet research company just around the time of the dotcom bust after many years going to work in Corporate America every day.  I liked it “enough” but did not really love it.  As it turned out, the new job was more of the same old job but with an added twist that the organization was simply very unhealthful.  I was left with a strong dose of feeling numb and going about the day-to-day path of 9-to-5 work without passion.  I felt in my bones that there had to be a better way to live life and then I remembered an article I had read about a new field called coaching.  It was the year 2000 and coaching was a relatively new area.  I did some searching on the web to read all I could about the field and found a coach referral program.  Luckily, I stumbled into finding an amazing woman who would help to propel me into my ongoing search for work that feeds me.  Mary Beth Shewan (http://wholelifecoaching.com), who blogged on this site last month, was my first life coach.  In learning so much about myself through her coaching, one of the points that has resonated most for me is that “Levity is key”.  What I mean is that taking life too seriously sucks all the fun out of it and does not allow you to enjoy all of your natural talents.  One can be completely serious about accomplishing and doing great things, yet these things will most likely be more rewarding if handled with some lightness, love and fun.  I also learned rather quickly through the process of coaching that I had been engaged in coaching, training and mentoring others for years, even though I never labeled it coaching.  Throughout my media career holding workshops, giving presentations and managing a professional staff, I found that colleagues, students, friends and family frequently sought me out to help them think through issues concerning their careers as well as their personal lives.  An epiphany for me, coaching was a natural talent that I could use in work.  I threw myself into developing this talent and undertook my formal coaching training from the Coaches Training Institute (http://www.thecoaches.com/).  I am now certified as a professional coach (CPCC).  I probably would have discovered these passions eventually, but taking the wrong job (at the right time) was just what I needed.



Along the way, I met many talented coaches who have given me more tools and greater perspective than I would have ever imagined.  In particular, Rick Tamlyn (http://www.ricktamlyn.com/), an early teacher, says “It’s all made up”.  I love this concept that whatever you are in the world is made up, so why not make it up the way you want it to be, in the way that will allow you to live your life fully?





Rachel Mueller-Lust’s career in the media research world spans 20 years.  Currently, Rachel is Executive Vice President, Client Solutions at The Nielsen Company.  She has worked at traditional media companies as well as in entrepreneurial roles and began her career in 1988 as assistant professor of psychology at Oberlin College, conducting research and teaching on topics in cognitive psychology, statistics and the psychology of language.  In 2002, she founded Wondrance Coaching and Consulting, a firm that provides business coaching and workshops on topics including achieving work/life balance, speaking professionally and making career changes.  Rachel earned a B.S. in psychology from the University of California, Berkeley, an M.S. and Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz and is certified as a professional coach (CPCC).  She is a featured speaker at numerous professional and academic conferences and universities.  Rachel can be reached at rachel@wondrance.com

Taking the wrong job might be just what you need... Part 2 of 3


Life is a circle and it takes a long time to realize that much of what is perfect for you to do in life—wanted and needed in the world for you to do—is what you loved to do as a child.  But this process cannot be rushed.  You must live a chunk of life before you can step back and rifle through all the “shoulds” that you picked up along the way and find the passion.  Although it has been 10 years since I began my coaching journey, I have tried many roles in my work and have been building a patchwork of arenas that best match my talents with where I can make the most impact on others while enjoying life.  I have always been creative but fearful that being creative makes you appear less substantial or professional in the world’s eye.  Part of the problem here is that I would care so much what the world at large thinks.  But I have learned two things:  One, I care more about what I think than what others think; and two, that being substantial or intellectual or professional or recognized as a success has nothing to do with the content of your life work but rather how you behave in the world.  If you are true to your inner talent, and that talent is art or writing or sculpting or coaching or managing or whatever, then you are, regardless of the financial reward, a success.

In looking back to my childhood for what I loved and cared about, two words resound:  peace and equality.  It first took the form of children's’ liberation—yes, a concept that my brother and I developed to acknowledge the powerful knowing and capability that children possess but that many adults do not attribute to them.  Feminism was another important area of equality for me at an early age.  My mother has always been a wonderful role model to me and she became active in the Women’s International League of Peace and Freedom during the 60s.  When I was seven, she went back to school to become an attorney.  She began her career at Legal Aid doing much work on child custody conflicts, women’s battering cases, bankruptcy and even contributed to the Black Panthers trial.  I was fortunate to live in a home and a town where most people were politically active and many of us went to peace marches in Washington, DC in a town-chartered bus.  My father, an artist, writer and engineer, gave me an early exposure to creativity and he was the house-husband for a number of years, way before that was in style.







Rachel Mueller-Lust’s career in the media research world spans 20 years.  Currently, Rachel is Executive Vice President, Client Solutions at The Nielsen Company.  She has worked at traditional media companies as well as in entrepreneurial roles and began her career in 1988 as assistant professor of psychology at Oberlin College, conducting research and teaching on topics in cognitive psychology, statistics and the psychology of language.  In 2002, she founded Wondrance Coaching and Consulting, a firm that provides business coaching and workshops on topics including achieving work/life balance, speaking professionally and making career changes.  Rachel earned a B.S. in psychology from the University of California, Berkeley, an M.S. and Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz and is certified as a professional coach (CPCC).  She is a featured speaker at numerous professional and academic conferences and universities.  Rachel can be reached at rachel@wondrance.com

Taking the wrong job might be just what you need... Part 3 of 3


How does all this play a role in how I am in the world?  I thrive on helping others to be independent and strong individuals who nurture their own talent; I crave music, art and creativity in my life; I need to be a strong woman who leads, coaches and mentors other women to do the same; and I strive to love myself and want others to love themselves just the way they naturally are.  And how they naturally are is so infinitely varied that they cannot be judged by some external definition of what is the right way to be, whether it applies to work, type of clothes or hairstyle, single or partnered, choice to have kids or not, or body size.  It takes so much re-programming of our thinking to allow the inner voice of beauty to be heard and recognized while quieting the saboteurs we have inside and all around us.  I am still evolving—I believe everyone is—so we all have the opportunity to look for the inner passions that make us each unique and special and bring that talent to the world.  With everyone on that quest, peace, beauty and love will prevail.

Melanie Dewberry-Jones (http://www.melaniedewberryjones.com), a soulful and beautiful woman who is my current coach, taught me that practice is needed for more than learning to play the piano.  Practice, practice, practice at whatever you are trying to be because most of us have been practicing at many activities and thinking limiting thoughts for so many years that have not served us well.  If we all practice to be compassionate and loving to ourselves and others, peace will abound.  And peace is so needed in the world, not just at the large-scale political level of countries at war but in everyday interactions with other people.  Melanie introduced me to The Anatomy of Peace, a book by the Arbinger Institute (http://www.arbinger.com/en/communitycall.html), that helps us to explore how to reframe the struggles we have in relationships with others in order to move toward peace.  Bill Shirley (http://www.insearchofeagles.com/) also helped to steer me to the path of understanding that being a skilled leader requires that relationships in work, not just in personal life, be built on honesty, openness and trust [H.O.T.].

I am certain that I have more bends and curves to take on the path of my life’s work and no doubt, I will hit some bumps. But I am not worried by this. I wish for everyone in the world to always be searching for how to “fail forward”, that is, to take risks that might lead to falling down.  Because by failing, we are actually moving forward in our lives and creating progress in the world.





Rachel Mueller-Lust’s career in the media research world spans 20 years.  Currently, Rachel is Executive Vice President, Client Solutions at The Nielsen Company.  She has worked at traditional media companies as well as in entrepreneurial roles and began her career in 1988 as assistant professor of psychology at Oberlin College, conducting research and teaching on topics in cognitive psychology, statistics and the psychology of language.  In 2002, she founded Wondrance Coaching and Consulting, a firm that provides business coaching and workshops on topics including achieving work/life balance, speaking professionally and making career changes.  Rachel earned a B.S. in psychology from the University of California, Berkeley, an M.S. and Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz and is certified as a professional coach (CPCC).  She is a featured speaker at numerous professional and academic conferences and universities.  Rachel can be reached at rachel@wondrance.com

Monday, August 8, 2011

You Are Not Just A Body. You Are Your Body. Part 1


One of my mentors made a great statement, which has stuck always with me. He said, “Nature is not a background, it is our reality.  It is not a landscape in a portrait, but how we breathe and live.”  Nature is extraordinarily important to human life.  Trees are pretty, but they also do a plethora of things for mankind.  Housing, paper, and even our ability to breathe are incredible gifts from trees.  Natural processes are happening all around us and they shape our world.  Nature truly is not a background, but the foreground to human existence.  However, we often take nature’s role in our well- being for granted.  

Just as we so often take the significance of the natural world around us for granted, we often take our own bodies for granted.  Another mentor said, “You are not just a body. You are your body.”  After 13 years of giving bodywork, I believe our bodies are windows into our well-being. The body is a complex organism, with many systems working together to provide the experience of every detail of our daily lives.  The makeup of our bodies is directly related to our choices, genes, histories, diets, stress, relationships, and environments.  When the body is in a state of discomfort, it takes away from the ability for the human mind to truly enjoy life. In order for an individual to maximize life’s pleasures each person must find harmony in his or her beautifully unique body. 


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Diane Matkowski is the owner of Freedom Massage in Paoli, PA. She is a continuing education provider for the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork, an organization that certifies massage therapists.Over her 13 years in this field—and tens of thousands of massage sessions—she have learned from brilliant body workers and trained with the best. Now, she endeavors to instill both her knowledge of and passion for this work in every detail of my business/bodywork.

You Are Not Just A Body. You Are Your Body. Part 2

How do we find balance while managing careers, relationships, and families?  The answer is simple: take care of yourself.  The word selfish is not a bad word; it means putting one’s self first.  If you cannot take care of yourself first, you will not be able to take care of anyone else.  These are famous words of my mother, who passed in August.  For years, I have thought of those words and found them to be true in my own life.  What is an easy solution to a healthier body and more body awareness?  Self care, especially in the form of massage.   Not only does every system in the body benefit from massage, but also it is a wonderful way to promote mental well-being and manage stress.  Massage helps increase circulation, increase immune system, induces the relaxation response,  increases body awareness,  helps release toxins,  rejuvenates, oxygenates, reduces stress in the body,  it’s good for your skin,  and so much more.  It feels good and is good for you, which is a hard combination to find in self-care.

But what if massage is not in my budget or within my time constraints?  If you get a massage once a month, you will begin to experience many benefits.  Instead of going out to dinner we can choose to get a massage instead.  A meal from a restaurant digests in hours, but the benefits of a massage last a lifetime.  Remember, “You are not just a body, you are your body.”  Take care of it and enjoy life!  Loving yourself is not just saying it, but being it.  



Diane Matkowski is the owner of Freedom Massage in Paoli, PA. She is a continuing education provider for the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork, an organization that certifies massage therapists.Over her 13 years in this field—and tens of thousands of massage sessions—she have learned from brilliant body workers and trained with the best. Now, she endeavors to instill both her knowledge of and passion for this work in every detail of my business/bodywork.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) – Fear of Imagined Ugliness

BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER SELF TEST

Do you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)?YESNO
1.Are there any parts of your body that you feel are unattractive or ugly?
2.Do you find yourself thinking excessively about your unattractiveness?
3.Do you compare the unattractiveness of your body part with the same body part or parts of others?
4.Do you regularly check your unattractiveness in the mirror in the hope that it may look better?
5.Do you ask others about your unattractiveness?
6.Do you use makeup to minimise displaying to others the part of your body that you feel is unattractive?
7.Do you camouflage any parts of your body that you feel are unattractive?
8.Is your life compromised by concerns with your appearance?
If you answered YES to most of the above questions, you may have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
To read more about BDD, click here.
 
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